She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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