I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
