Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
