Why are handjobs necessary in class?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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