and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
