Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
