EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
