There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
