just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
