i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
