Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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