dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
