Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
