Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
