its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
