hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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