i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
