i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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