Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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