You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
