Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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