Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
