I haven't been this sober since birth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
