You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
