i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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