The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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