Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
