my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
