So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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