Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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