I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
