Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
