I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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