guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my poor anus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
