The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
