so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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