I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
