I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
