ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
