I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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