Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
