i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
