I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
