btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
