let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
