Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
