This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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