My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You can't motorboat a personality
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
