first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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