I just cut my nipple shaving
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
